Feeling the fear – Day 14

It’s funny isn’t it, how sometimes you hit upon the right quote at exactly the right time. This is what greeted me when I opened the Day 14 page of the You Are A Badass At Habits course.

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence,” Helen Keller.

When I read this quote, I was feeling about as optimistic as a turkey at the beginning of December.

Yesterday, my husband, whose IT contract ended on November 30th, announced that he had no money left. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. So, I would have to pay for everything. What’s more, that new contract he just went up for – he didn’t get it.

There was no sign of any badass in the room when I received this news. The old poverty fearing me went into full-blown panic mode. Claxons went off in my head, I reached for my metaphorical tin hat and yelled at him.

I felt the burden of having to support a family of five. My turnover looks good, but my overheads are massive since I have taken on two new members of staff – £7.5K comes in per month, but around £3K goes out on staff and various subscriptions I need to be able to operate a PR business. After tax, there isn’t much left. It is scary sole breadwinner territory.

I listened to a bit of You Are A Badass At Making Money on Audible before I went to sleep to buoy myself up. Jen talked about the words that come out of your mouth and I realised that some of mine have been a bit meh. A bit lame.

On Day 13, I wrote that I was going to ‘try’ and reach my £1,000,000 goal. Try? What sort of word is that? Certainly not a definite one. It has no oomph. No vavavoom.

The fact that I don’t truly believe I am capable of making £1,000,000 is exposed by the words that I use. I am a big fat fraud.

Jen said that the way forwards was to do something big and scary. Short of jumping out of a plane, I am not really sure what that is at the moment.

On the upside, I have thought of a new idea for an online course, which involves social media and silver surfers. Plus my online writing course starts on Wednesday. And even though I feared I was about to have a full on nervous breakdown, I managed 15 minutes of writing yesterday.

On the downside, no pop-up card orders have come in during the past 24 hours. Is that because during that time, I morphed into Miss Negative Pants?

I need to do some serious work on my mindset. And my words.

Personal manifesto

I do not fear poverty! I do not! I am a money magnet. I attract wealth. Everything is going to be okay. I trust. I have faith. I will push onwards and in Jen’s words, ‘Go kick some butt!’

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.