We need to talk about money – Day 170

We need to talk about money. This blog is supposed to be about me trying to manifest a million quid and thus far, despite telling myself I am a cash magnet over and over, the moolah isn’t exactly rolling in.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not declaring poverty. I think many people would look at all I have materially and consider me to be one lucky bitch. I am, it’s just that I’d like money to be a bit more plentiful. That’s why I am here, talking to you and as you’re still reading, I’m guessing you’d like to be rolling in a bit more filthy lucre too!

In her book, You Are A Badass At Making Money, Jen urges readers to write a letter to the stuff. Yes, really, a letter to money. I did that when I first read the book and I am going to do it again, right here because my relationship with money is dysfunctional with a capital D.

It does feel a bit mad penning a note to money, but it is a useful exercise in seeing just how unhealthy your relationship with it is. I remember being struck when I was told that my brother-in-law reacted to a hefty pay rise with the words ‘I’m not happy. It isn’t enough.’ I nearly fell over when I heard that. I’ve asked for a pay rise once in my life, I didn’t get it and continued to work for the same company for the same lousy money.  Loser! My brother-in-law I hasten to add, is earning very nicely thank-you. I need to be more like him. Anyway, enough rambling…

My letter to money

Dear money,

Let’s get one thing straight – I love you. I am always thrilled when you show up and I want to spend as much time with you as I can (especially when I am out shopping). Life is so much more fun when you’re around. I sleep better, I’m nicer to everyone around me and I can be generous.

So, what’s the problem? Look, the thing is, talking about you makes me feel dirty. Hell, I am so ashamed of needing and wanting you so much, I write this blog anonymously. I feel so guilty for desiring more of  you, I am compelled to give you away when you do show up. 

   I know that when you are in my life, I am clingy because I am terrified that you’ll take off  and never come back. You have the power to destroy my life and that makes me fearful of you. You’ve done it before money, how do I know you won’t leave me again?

   I obsess over you more than anything else. I am forever thinking of new ways to attract you, yet you continue to spurn me. Perhaps it is because I do not feel worthy of you – I believe that others deserve you more. I’m not special enough. Talented enough. Nice enough.

   I don’t want to be like this about you any more money. I am afraid that my kids will also develop an unhealthy relationship with you. It doesn’t help that I trot out phrases like ‘Money doesn’t grow on trees,’ or ‘I am not made of money you know.’ Those are things I heard as a child and look where that got me.

Money, I want us to start over. I am going to have faith in you. I am going to trust that you love me as much as I do you and that you are going to stay with me no matter what.  I  think we can be great together. 

Why don’t you write a letter to money? I’d love to know how you get on.

Personal manfesto

I love money. It comes to me easily. We’re made for each other.

One comment

  1. Sheesh. I too am slightly embarrassed for caring so much about money. I have worried about money all my life, anxious about where the next bit’s going to come from. And now, even though I’ve learned that having money means dick-all if I don’t have my health and good relationships and a basically happy life, I still worry about not having enough. I might just write that letter, myself.

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