The epiphany that gave me wings – Day 177

‘Most people are living in an illusion based on someone else’s beliefs,’ Jen Sincero.

The Journey practitioner said that buried emotions might ‘pop-up’ following our brief conversation yesterday and encouraged me to examine them if they did. Sure enough, one hour later, I had an epiphany, a BFO (blinding flash of the obvious) about one of the lies I’ve held onto for far too long.

It went a bit like this –

  1. The word ELEPHANT springs to mind.  They called me that as a child, along with ‘clumsy iriot‘ (My dad’s affectionate term for idiot). Sarcasm runs deep in the veins of our family and while I am sure no offence was meant, I wore the label and took it to heart.
  2. I recall how I was the first to crack jokes when I revealed to members of my family that I’d taken up ballet at the age of 51. ‘What you?? I’d pay to see that!’ they howled. I agreed that it would indeed be like a scene from French & Saunders. Only funnier.
  3. I  have a mental image of my ballet teacher in full flow. I am so utterly spellbound when I watch her dance, I could cry, but figure this might not go down well in class. There is something other-wordly about the way she moves. She is a butterfly to my elephant.
  4. I picture the mirror that runs along one wall of our dance studio. I hate to see my reflection when I dance as it reminds me of my clumsiness.
  5.  I ponder on a gentle routine we danced in class that morning and how uplifting I find it when we all move as one.  
  6. I think of the way L moves her arms so gracefully, the swanlike curve of T’s neck and how S is like a ribbon in the breeze when she waltzes. It strikes me that I have looked at every single person in that class from beginner through to seasoned professional and seen beauty in the way they move.
  7. I reason that if I see grace and elegance in every single person in that class, then perhaps they see glimpses of the same in me.  Does this mean that I am not a clumsy elephant after all?  Do I love these classes so because they take me to a place inside myself that I didn’t know existed?  Yes.

And there it was. The lie laid bare. Now all I need to do is stand tall in front of that mirror and dance like a butterfly.

Personal manifesto

I am graceful and elegant.

 

 

 

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