WTF? – Day 232

I can’t tell you where today went. I am still sat here in my sweaty running gear at 6.12pm and I went for a jog at 8am. I had vowed to be enormously productive today, but what the actual f*** have I done?

These are the things I would like to have achieved today:

  • Written 500 words of the novel.
  • Tidied up my desk.
  • Sent sharply worded pitches to publications.
  • Sweet-talked a journalist into placing a client.
  • Got a new client.
  • Sent bank statements to my accountant who keeps begging for them.
  • Bought some insect bite cream.
  • Eaten a meal.

This is what I have actually done:

  • Run 3 miles.
  • Waited in for the washing machine repair man.
  • Tried not to swear at the washing machine man (who wasn’t as hot as the last one) when he said he couldn’t fix it for 10 whole days!
  • Felt thankful that I don’t have to carry my smalls to the nearest river and pummel them on a rock.
  • Ordered a new washing machine.
  • Been to the launderette. Told son not to be so absurd when he suggested my clothes might get nicked.
  • Tried to smuggle biscuits into my supermarket trolley only to be foiled by my food Nazi son.
  • Worried about somebody stealing my clothes back at the launderette.
  • Thrown away a load of old cosmetics.
  • Had e-mail banter with some of the people I met in Scotland last week.
  • Researched LBGT publications.
  • Scratched an insect bite until it bled.
  • Broke an acrylic nail.
  • Snacked on crisps.
  • Chatted to a psychic in Waitrose – she handed me a card that said ‘Remember who you truly are’ which looked a bit pertinent to me. Who the f*** am I?
  • Said f*** a lot.
  • Swore I will stop swearing.

Okay, so it is not a total failure, but definitely more Bridget Jones than Angela Merkel if you ask me.

Must try f****** harder.

Personal manifesto

I am the epitome of calm.

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