Chilled – Day 254

I haven’t left the house today, but when you are staying in a luxury villa on a French mountainside, that isn’t much of a hardship.

It is so peaceful here. The air is clean and there hasn’t been a cloud in the sky all day. I’ve eaten lovely food, meditated at sunset and laughed until my sides ached. I realised today that even though I am mourning a friend, I haven’t felt sad 24/7. This weekend has been the perfect tonic.

At my Journey session last Thursday, we talked about the three friends of mine who have committed suicide. That’s four now if you include Jack. ‘Why do I attract friends with such darkness inside?’ I asked.

‘Why do you think?’

‘Because I identify with them?’

It’s true. I choose friends who are as fucked up as I am. There is a passage in The Five Invitations about how we are all like an intricate jigsaw puzzle. There are pieces that we like and others that we’d rather throw away, but if we took out all the ‘bad’ bits, we wouldn’t recognise the end result. Pain is part of who I am, without it, I probably wouldn’t be here now typing this blog – I’d be doing something far more sensible, like getting some sleep.

The fact is, I am still here, still in the game and still being the biggest badass in the building. Hooray!

Personal manifesto

I am so grateful for this wonderful life.

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