All pain and no gain – Day 278

Kundalini yoga is not relaxing. Fact. I can barely move after last night’s class, which felt like a form of torture. Turns out that sitting cross-legged for an hour is hellish. Try as I might, I could not find a position that didn’t leave me with God awful back pain.

In addition to holding the posture, you have to do the following all at once:

  • Breathe.
  • Chant strange words like ‘sat nam’
  • Move various body parts.
  • Clench the nether regions as if your pelvic floor and your life depended on it.
  • Keep the eyes closed whilst rolling the eyeballs towards the third eye (the space between the brows).
  • Make strange alien hand signals.
  • Relax (ha!).

I had a hot flush 10 minutes in and spent the rest of the class trying to fend off a panic attack.

I was relieved when we were asked to stand as my bum had gone numb, but then I discovered the ‘frog’.  Forget happy frogs jumping between lily pads in the sunshine – this was an undignified move that made my calves burn and forced me to stick my arse in the air, uncomfortably close to the person behind. Passing wind was not an option.

I tried the class because there was no ballet on due to half-term, but next week, I’ll be back to pliés, relevés and limp swans – not a frog in sight. Still, it’s good to try these things, I think.

Personal manifesto

My financial income is sky-rocketing.


  • Sat nam means ‘truth is my identity.’


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