Split personality – Day 300

There are days like today when I feel like two people trapped in the same body. One is trying to stay calm and rooted in the spiritual zone, while the other is having a hissy fit and throwing her toys out of the pram.

While the spiritual me is declaring ‘Money comes easily, I live in a abundant universe where all is well,’ my tantrumming toddler of an ego is spitting ‘Have you seen my bank balance lately? I’m broke. Life is shit. Nothing good ever happens to me.’

Today, they’ve been like two mud wrestlers writhing around in the muck and it’s not a pretty sight. However, the tantrumming toddler has grown tired and is sucking her thumb on the naughty step, so the spiritual side is claiming victory – not in an egotistical, crowing way I hasten to add. She has commiserated with the toddler and offered her a chocolate covered rusk by way of compensation.

Reading this back, it sounds as if I a losing the plot and to be honest, since I started delving into my psyche, that’s how I feel. I am unravelling faster than a skein of silk in a box of kittens, but I guess I have to come apart before I am able to put myself back together again in a better order.

I’ve also had the urge to scrub floors and tidy cupboards. Our cleaners didn’t show up today (I know, first world problems!) and I was actually pleased as it meant I could lose myself in a flurry of grime, dusters and limescale remover (eco friendly of course).

I had an e-mail from my new joinery client today and rather spookily, I looked up the Pinterest page of a high net worth individual whom I am due to meet tomorrow to talk about the prospect of doing some PR for him. He has on his Pinterest board, the very same, very unusual, dining tables that my client is famed for. How spooky is that?

I also did something I HATE this morning. I asked for help, even though it made me feel weak, inferior, stupid etc etc… The assistance I was seeking was given gladly, nothing bad happened, nobody laughed and I felt better for it. It was so painless, I might even do it again one day.

Personal manifesto

Good things are coming to me.

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