It’s booked. Next week I will be spending six hours in silence with a bunch of local nuns. I’m really not myself at the moment – or am I?
Although I’ve dipped a toe in the spiritual/mystical in the past, I’ve secretly scoffed at the crystal wavers, cheesecloth wearers and anyone who has a dream catcher hanging from their window.
One of the reasons I readily handed my hard-earned cash over to the Journey practitioner was partly down to the fact that she looked as if she might work in a bank or building society. Had she been adorned in rainbow colours and yoga pants, I might never have got through the door.
So here I am, the world’s biggest gossip/talker, craving silence and hanging out with nuns. I may not have made a million this year, but there has been an enormous shift inside. I wonder if my inner world will start to shape what happens on the outside? I do hope so, because calm doesn’t pay the bills.
That’s going to be the challenge I think, balancing the spiritual with the practical. I can’t spend my entire life meditating on a lotus leaf because bills need to be paid, kids get hungry and clothes need washing – on a daily basis. I’ve realised that money isn’t my end goal, it’s fulfilling work I want, but then again, I am not one to slum it. I like nice things.
I’ve got this set of Journey cards that are supposed to help with self-enquiry and I always get the same ones – Play, Laughter, Unconditional Love and Attachment. The first two are telling me to lighten up a little, the third speaks for itself (loving myself is still a bit of a struggle) and the final card, is about being attached to people and things.
I attach myself to both. There’s always a friend of the moment, a piece of clothing that I covet or just too much love and affection lavished on my car (which is a thing of beauty!). I went bat shit crazy when I came home and found my daughter lolling around in my favourite cashmere jumper. Why? It is only a jumper after all. Attachment is clearly something I need to work on – perhaps it will loosen it’s grip when I’m chilling with the nuns. Let’s see.
I’m one lucky badass.