The training wheels are coming off. I’ve done it. I’ve booked myself 24 whole hours of silence with the nuns next month and it feels a bit like going from a 5K to a half marathon, not exactly hard core, but enough to feel like a challenge.
My ballet teacher reminded me this morning that somebody she knows had a full on nervous breakdown after spending three days on a silent retreat. For that reason, she thinks silence is best avoided, but I suspect said person would have experienced some kind of emotional fallout anyway.
The silence is doing it for me, even though it can be difficult at times. I managed to snatch half an hour of meditative quiet today and experienced a soothing lightness. It almost felt as if I wasn’t confined by my own body.
The trouble with all this bliss, is that I don’t much feel like doing any work. I had to force myself to knuckle down and write a proposal today and thankfully discovered that I was far more efficient and clear headed than normal. The work took me a quarter of the time I’d expected. Facts that I needed were found on the net with relative ease and my writing flowed.
It’s not all heavenly. There’s trouble with the teens. My unemployed son is creating merry hell at the moment and my youngest is having twice-daily meltdowns. I am finding it hard not to lose my rag. It seems I am quite a long way from true enlightenment. Oh well, at least I have something to aim for.
I will gladly receive abundance.